QTalk: Nigerian pastor fights for identity after church rejection
LGBTQ+ Nigerians benefit from free counseling via the Qtalk app
This is an account of help that one LGBTQ+ Nigerian received from the volunteer counselors of the Qtalk app, which is supported by this site and by the St. Paul’s Foundation for International Reconciliation. Download Qtalk from Google Play or the Apple Store.
Andrew, a 30-year-old gay man from Nigeria, turned to the Qtalk app for counseling after being dismissed from his pastoral role when his church discovered his sexuality. Andrew had devoted his life to his faith and congregation, and the abrupt termination left him feeling betrayed, isolated, and uncertain about his future.
During the session, Andrew recounted how his life was upended in an instant. For years, he had served as a pastor in a prominent and influential church, where he was deeply committed to his faith and his responsibilities as a spiritual leader. However, the recent revelation of his sexuality led to a sudden and painful dismissal.
“I always knew this day might come,” Andrew confessed during the session, “but I never anticipated how much it would hurt. I dedicated my life to that church, to helping people, and now I’m being told I’m unworthy because of who I am.”
Andrew described the moment his sexuality was uncovered — an incident he had long feared. The church leaders confronted him, expressing shock and disapproval. They informed him that he could no longer serve as a pastor, citing his lifestyle as incompatible with their beliefs. He was asked to leave the church immediately, and news of his removal quickly spread throughout the congregation.
Andrew expressed profound feelings of betrayal and loss. He had not only lost his job but also his community, which had been like a second family to him. The stigma and fear of further rejection in other aspects of his life weighed heavily on him.
The counselor validated Andrew’s profound pain and confusion, recognizing the deep conflict between his faith and his identity. They explored how deeply intertwined these aspects of his life had become and the immense difficulty of reconciling them in a society that largely condemns LGBTQ+ individuals.
Andrew conveyed a deep fear for his future, unsure of how to move forward without the church that had been central to his life. He also struggled with feelings of shame and guilt, remnants of the internalized homophobia that had afflicted him for years.
The counselor encouraged Andrew to recognize his worth beyond the narrow judgment of the church. They discussed the importance of self-acceptance and the potential for discovering new avenues for spiritual and emotional fulfillment. The counselor also provided information about LGBTQ+-affirming religious communities that could offer Andrew a sense of belonging and support.
By the end of the session, although Andrew still felt a profound sense of loss, he began to entertain the possibility of rebuilding his life outside the confines of the church. The counselor emphasized the importance of surrounding himself with supportive individuals and offered to connect him with LGBTQ+ support groups and counseling services that could assist him on his journey.
The session concluded with the counselor affirming Andrew’s emotions and reinforcing the idea that his worth and identity were not diminished by his church’s rejection. A follow-up session was scheduled to further explore Andrew’s feelings and help him develop a plan for healing and moving forward.
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