After homophobia and homelessness: A Caribbean story with a happier ending
Armando kept on the move until he found support and confidence in Saint-Martin
This is the second of three articles about homelessness among the Caribbean’s Black gay, bisexual, and transgender men and the lives they lived elsewhere after they fled from local homophobia. The following interview was conducted by Erasing 76 Crimes in cooperation with SAFE. the Saint-Martin and Sint-Maarten Alliance for Equality.
Armando tells of his troubled years as a gay youth in Martinique, his move to Paris, his period of homelessness there, his recovery in Saint-Martin and his recent return to be with his grandmother in Martinique.
76crimes: Could you describe your background, Armando?
Armando: I just turned 30 and I come from a very religious Catholic family in the town of Ducos, Martinique, where I spent my entire childhood.
From my childhood, I have delightful memories of kindergarten, then, everything started to become more difficult from elementary school, with first the mockery, then the school harassment, because of my character was considered sensitive and feminine. Let’s just say it was homophobia.
My mother is single and depressed, while my father, with whom I have a more distant relationship, is illiterate. At school, not having much support from my family, I dropped out very quickly, in a context where I had no friends either.
I left school in the 9th grade, at the age of 17, with a total loss of confidence in myself. Nevertheless, I was never beaten because of my homosexuality, even if my embarrassed entourage made me understand that I made them ashamed.
In any case, in the rural Catholic environment of Martinique where I grew up, to associate with me or to talk to me represented for the boys of my age a risk, a loss of reputation and exposure to gossip.
So my grandmother, who took me under her wing, helped me to leave Martinique, so that I could experience other perspectives than social stigma and rejection. She paid for my plane ticket to France where I was able to join my aunt in Paris, starting in 2011, when I came of age.
In the end, I didn’t become the steward I dreamed of being, but at least my depression faded away and I was able to start filling my resume with a lot of experience, mainly in the fast food industry, then in sales.
76crimes: Did you have any experience of homelessness?
Armando: While I was living in Paris, I had experiences of homelessness and itinerancy and I had to call 115, like many homeless people, in order to be able to find a place to sleep at night.
Far from Martinique, when you realize that you have hit rock bottom, you have to be psychologically strong to be able to get back on track. Fortunately, it didn’t last long and I was always able to find my way back to work quickly. In any case, I was ready to do anything to get out of this mess.
It was only 10 years after my arrival in France that I decided to return to Martinique, because I needed to find my roots and I was homesick. But everything did not go as planned. I was living at my mother’s; there were strikes, blockades and my adaptation was not easy.
My acquaintances were also apprehensive about my return, but they kept quiet about the fact that I had accepted my homosexuality. I realized that attitudes had changed a little, by 2021.
Now my problem was my relationship with my mother, because during my 10 years spent in France, I had not been able to talk about my sexual orientation or about more sensitive subjects,related to touching I had suffered during my childhood.
She wouldn’t listen or express any empathy. I found our relationship toxic. It drove me completely crazy. Moreover, I don’t have a driver’s license and in 10 years in Martinique, nothing had changed in that regard, so it made my feeling of suffocation worse.
76crimes: What led you to Saint-Martin?
Armando: In this very intense emotional context for me, I left on a whim for Saint-Martin, like a flight forward. I remembered that, as a child, during a stopover, I saw its airport on the beach. So this island has always made me dream a lot.
I arrived on that spot and became a little lost in my ideas, I contemplated the landscapes and the people, feeling how much I had missed it for so long. I instantly felt that, over there, people have another mentality and are more welcoming than in Martinique. It must be said that the island is also very cosmopolitan and I like that a lot.
However, I didn’t have much money in my pocket and after a quick trip to the Employment Office, I was looking for a cheap local accommodation. They even recommended a church, which was closed the day I arrived.
My hardships in metropolitan France gave me the mental resources to be able to face the difficulties under the sun in Saint-Martin, while the idea of a return to Martinique seemed unbearable.
That being said, I must say that I was lucky. I was helped find work by people at AIDES [a support organization for HIV-positive people]. They are just wonderful and amazing people.
76crimes: How do you see your life now?
Armando: In September 2022, I made the choice to return to Martinique, where my grandmother is currently at my side. I now see life differently. My experience in Saint-Martin has totally given me confidence. Even my work colleagues there were loves. I have promised myself to go back soon, as soon as I have put some money aside and have my driver’s license.
In the meantime, I’m working in a sex shop and I feel much more at peace with myself. I’m even in love again, after so many adventures.
