Qtalk: Despairing lesbian’s journey toward hope after forced marriage and rape
LGBTQ+ Nigerians benefit from the support provided by volunteer counselors via the Qtalk app, which is supported by this site and by the St. Paul’s Foundation for International Reconciliation. Download Qtalk from Google Play or the Apple Store.
When Vivian, a 22-year-old lesbian, reached out for help through Qtalk, an online counseling app for LGBTIQ+ Nigerians, her words reflected the depth of her despair: “I don’t know how to live anymore. My parents forced this man on me, and now I’m pregnant after he raped me. I feel like my life is over.”
Vivian’s story is one of profound trauma and resilience. After her parents discovered her sexual orientation, they subjected her to a horrifying ordeal, coercing her into a situation meant to “correct” her identity. This culminated in sexual assault by a man they imposed upon her, leaving her pregnant and deeply traumatized. Isolated and betrayed by the very people who should have offered her unconditional support, Vivian turned to the online counseling platform as a last resort.
The counselor who received her message was struck by her courage in seeking help.
During their initial session, Vivian recounted the events that had led to her crisis. She spoke of her parents’ rejection, the violence she endured, and the overwhelming emotions of anger, guilt, and hopelessness that followed.
In response, the counselor employed a trauma-informed approach, creating a safe and non-judgmental space for Vivian to share her story. The focus was not just on validating her pain but also on assuring her that none of what happened was her fault. With care and patience, the counselor helped Vivian identify the layers of her emotional and physical distress and began guiding her toward practical steps for recovery.
One of the most critical aspects of the session was addressing the complexities of Vivian’s pregnancy. Recognizing the sensitivity of the issue, the counselor discussed her options in a way that prioritized her autonomy and emotional well-being. They also provided referrals to LGBTQ+ affirming support groups, a trusted women’s shelter specifically for LBQ women, and medical professionals experienced in trauma-informed care.
To address her immediate safety and emotional stability, the counselor worked with Vivian to draft a plan. This included scheduling follow-up sessions for continued support, connecting her with legal aid, and helping her establish boundaries with her family. Together, they also crafted a letter that would allow Vivian to express her need for space and healing, should she decide to communicate with her parents.
By the end of the session, Vivian’s tone had shifted. While the road ahead remained challenging, she expressed a glimmer of hope: “I finally feel like someone is listening to me without blaming me. Thank you for helping me see that I’m not alone.”
Vivian’s journey is far from over, but her decision to seek help represents a pivotal step toward reclaiming her agency and rebuilding her life. Her story is a sobering reminder of the struggles faced by LGBTQ+ individuals who encounter rejection and violence in their pursuit of authenticity. Yet, it is also a testament to the power of empathy, affirmation, and professional support in helping survivors find hope after trauma.
For Vivian, the path forward is one of healing and empowerment, guided by the knowledge that she is not defined by the actions of others, but by her own strength and resilience.
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