Qtalk plea: My lover started dating my best friend. What can I do?
Counselor helps a Nigerian gay man struggling with friendship and love
LGBTQ+ Nigerians benefit from the support provided by volunteer counselors via the Qtalk app, which is supported by this site and by the St. Paul’s Foundation for International Reconciliation.
Adewale, a 26-year-old Nigerian gay man, sought support from Qtalk in dealing with a challenging situation involving two men who are important to him — his best friend and his lover. Adewale was grappling with a mix of emotions ranging from betrayal to confusion.
In his support request to Qtalk, he wrote:
“I’m going through something really difficult right now, and I don’t know how to handle it all. My best friend and my lover… they’ve betrayed my trust, and it hurts more than I can put into words.”
During the counseling session, Adewale (a pseudonym) expressed deep anguish upon discovering that his best friend had started dating his lover without telling him. The news had left him feeling hurt, betrayed, and questioning the authenticity of both relationships. He was torn between wanting to maintain both his friendship and his romantic relationship, yet struggling to envision a future where both could coexist harmoniously.
To guide Adewale through this complex situation, the counselor provided a safe and non-judgmental space for him to express his feelings openly. They began by exploring Adewale’s emotions and acknowledging the validity of his reactions. The counselor emphasized the importance of self-compassion and reminded Adewale that it was normal to experience such profound emotions in response to a betrayal of trust.
Next, the counselor helped Adewale gain perspective on the circumstances surrounding the betrayal. They encouraged him to communicate openly with his best friend and lover about how their actions had affected him. This communication would be crucial in understanding each party’s intentions and motivations and making reconciliation and healing possible.
Adewale also shared his fears about the potential fallout from confronting both his friend and his lover. The counselor supported him in developing coping strategies to manage the anxiety and stress during this process. Techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, and journaling were suggested to help him maintain emotional equilibrium throughout the journey.
Furthermore, the counselor assisted Adewale in identifying his core values and what he desired from both his friendship and his romantic relationship. By gaining clarity on these aspects, Adewale was better equipped to make decisions aligned with his well-being and happiness.
Overall, the counseling session with Adewale revolved around understanding and processing emotions, building communication skills, and finding ways to honor his values. As the counseling process continued, Adewale began to discover new perspectives on his relationships and his own personal growth. Although the journey ahead might be challenging, Adewale left the session with a sense of hope and resilience, ready to confront the situation and foster healing and resolution in his life.
Source: African Human Rights Media Network member RightsAfrica.com.
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