Madueke Enwere, a gay Nigerian, has written a guidebook for homosexual men who are married to women.
Madueke Enwere is a gay man who lives with his wife and children in Abuja, Nigeria.
In his e-book “The Gay in Heterosexual Marriage (A True Life Story)”, he tells of the struggles he endured, and of successes, in that marriage to a straight woman. Eventually, he says, he found a way to revive the marriage, which was at the brink of failing. Enwere claims he has discovered how to sustain a “happy marriage” with a woman without attempting to change his sexual orientation.
Enwere’s e-book promises answers to the many challenges experienced by homosexual men who have married or are intending to marry women. The reason for such a marriage might be because of religious and societal pressure or because they want their own biological children.
Such marriages can be disastrous. The book addresses concerns raised by many homosexuals who have found themselves in this situation. In truth, some women do not mind the idea of having a gay husband. Desperate or not, they can be open to the idea of marrying a gay man with the full knowledge of all possible consequences.
Some gay men do not have the willpower to take a stand and live their own authentic life in a homophobic environment. Navigating society’s pressures and avoiding run-ins with Nigeria’s homophobic laws is difficult. It can also be disappointing and depressing.
But some gay men find comfort in living in the closet, portraying themselves to the world as straight. They may do that because they’re battling with internalized homophobia and because they fear the stigma associated with being publicly identified as gay.
Sexual orientation is not a matter of choice, but marrying a member of the opposite sex is. That’s one reason for the existence of this e-book.
Unfortunately, a major shortcoming of Enwere’s book is that it addresses too narrow a range of challenges affecting gay men. It focuses entirely on sexual health, neglecting mental health-related issues such as living in denial, social isolation and secrecy, all of which can erode a man’s overall well-being.
Still, the book relates a series of interesting events containing important lessons to be learned. It makes for a good and refreshing read after all.
Enwere writes about his book:
“This book is a true life story of what my experience in such marriage has been; the initial difficulties of not having an erection; my wife’s discovery of my sexual orientation and how I finally was able to cope sexually with her knowledge and support.
“In fact, it’s now fun discussing gay stuff with my wife. The marriage has been blessed with children and we’re waxing stronger in an understanding of each other and in love. I’m not saying that my sexual orientation has changed but at least I’m coping. So for [gay men] who are seriously thinking of having their own biological family/children, I’m of the firm conviction that my experience as detailed in my book will go a long way in dispelling your fears and making you take that bold step, towards making your dreams come true.”