Advice for pseudo-LGBT asylum seekers

Colin Stewart is a 45-year journalism veteran. He is the…

Daily Times of Nigeria (Photo courtesy of Wikipedia)

A depressing, facetiously written, anti-LGBT opinion piece from Nigeria demonstrates the difficulties that Western countries face in deciding who deserves asylum and who doesn’t.

How are immigration officials to distinguish between fakers and the true LGBT asylum-seekers who deserve protection because their home countries are among the 76 with laws against homosexuality?

In a tutorial for fakers on “How to get asylum,” the Daily Times of Nigeria recommends categories of persecution that are easy to claim. Suggestions like these tend to make Western officials suspect that all LGBT asylum-seekers are fakes:

Persecution because of gender identity

This one is easy, especially if you are an effeminate man (or can act like it). … Get a [Nigerian] doctor in the US to write a report saying you are transgender or something like that. A woman trapped in a man’s body. Because of it, they want to kill you in Nigeria. You will add that you have suffered untold emotional turmoil because of this. …

Persecution because of sexual orientation

Say that you have liked boys since you were a little boy. To prepare the background for this (you know how these [white] people like background checks) try to mingle with the gay community before then. If there are any events or rallies for gay people, attend and be in the line of fire of the camera men. …

Persecution because of political opinion or membership of a particular social group

For this one, we need to pray that the president signs that anti-gay bill into law. … It is laden with asylum pre-qualifications. First, the law prescribes a 10-year sentence for anyone who registers, operates or participates in a gay society, club or organisation. So you can start a ‘[Nigerian] gays’ yahoo group, an organisation that helps gay people, or a gay men’s prayer group. Then you show the people in America that see, if they let you go back, you will land in jail for 10 years. …
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Follow these guidelines and you will be living freely in America.